Awake
by Zelia Theb
Summary: The chains have been lifted, and now Yusuke is alone. The fox that watched him from the distance steps into the light and mends the shattered soul of the Spirit Detective. KuramaYusuke YusukeHiei
1. Regret

**Disclaimer:** _Yu Yu Hakusho_ copyright Yoshihiro Togashi. I claim no ownership over the series, manga, nor the characters/plots contained therein. I'm not making any money off of this. This is just art in the form of the writing to express my love of _Yu Yu Hakusho_.

**Author's Notes:** December 2010 – Completed and re-edited for sentence structure/grammar/typos. HAPPY WINTER EVERYONE! Thank you for sticking by me through my long hiatus!

**Sequel to ****Huminshou****.** The tone is different from it's predecessor. This may contain spoilers for that fic, but don't worry. You can read this one as an AU-ish standalone too.

Awake

by Zelia Theb.

_- - "I'd rather regret doing something than regret doing nothing at all." - -_

"What's his name?"

"Aijirou."

"Aijirou Kusa-something? That fat guy who sits behind you in class? _Him?_" Yusuke questioned.

"_Yes, him_, Yusuke," his slender brunette friend Keiko replied, "He's not fat. You can't say that about everyone who isn't as good looking as you!" She blushed. What had she just admitted?

"Oh, so I'm good looking now, eh Keiko?" Yusuke teased, narrowing his brown eyes at the girl. "And that's why you're going out with _him_?" He did not understand his jealously, or rather, didn't want to admit that it existed.

"What are you jealous for, Yusuke?" Keiko asked, her voice raising a bit. "I have a boyfriend, _you_ have a boyfriend, so now we're both happy!"

"You know damn well why I'm pissed off, Keiko." He stepped forward so that he no longer stood half-way across his bedroom. He gazed at her, hoping that she would be able to figure it out for herself.

There was a time when he loved her. He loved her so much, but she had never wanted to take the next step. It was hard to even hold hands with her, let alone even admit to the other that something was going on. That feeling had only given them a stronger friendship that had roots in their childhood, and the romantic interest faded over time.

There was him, Yusuke's "boyfriend" that Keiko had mentioned. A strangely forbidden love between two former enemies, between human and demon. Hiei meant so much to him, even though they had only been together for a few weeks.

A lingering idea remained in his head.

_"I'd rather regret doing something than regret not doing something."_

He didn't really have feelings for Keiko anymore, but he had always wondered _what if_. He wanted to know what it would be like to kiss her; however, he could never find out, because he was with Hiei now. Even if they did kiss, Yusuke didn't feel the relationship to be worthy enough to pursue.

Hiei needed him, and he needed Hiei, although neither of them had gone into much detail about their lives. Yusuke needed someone broken as badly as the demon; Hiei needed someone who understood pain to piece him back together. Keiko was not Hiei. She was fixed, and nearly perfect. No matter how hard she could listen, or try to understand, she never really _would_ understand Yusuke's life, even though she had nearly lived it with him. Keiko was his best friend, and there was a reason for it.

"Yusuke…" she uttered, her lips aching to put that very same curiosity at ease. She leaned in and kissed him.

He did not hesitate to return the affection, although no lips were breached in the process. Innocent enough, it laid their musings to rest.

Keiko pulled away, flushed and embarrassed, and said, "I'm…sorry…I…"

Yusuke hushed her with an embrace. They knew the kiss meant nothing more than closure.

This moment, nearly forgotten by both, happened years ago.

Hiei had called him up to the roof of the apartment building that Yusuke lived in the past few years. His mother had gotten married to a rather wealthy man named Nenosuke, but lived out of the city in a house now. Yusuke had insisted that he had to stay in the city "for school," an excuse Atsuko actually believed and complied with, despite the fact that Yusuke declined higher education once high-school finished. She and Nenosuke picked up the rent, and easy feat due to Neno's fortune.

"So, you actually want to train up here? It's gonna pour any second, Hiei," Yusuke remarked, watching the four foot ten figure be illuminated by lightning in the distance. Despite the fact that he had been imprisoned in the human world for several years now, he still insisted on wearing some sort of cloak, unless Yusuke wanted to go somewhere in public with him.

"Actually, I lied to you," Hiei replied, black strands of his hair flying all over the place from the wind. "I'm just detest everyone's staring."

By "everyone," Hiei meant Keiko, the Kuwabara siblings, Kurama, and Botan. It just so happened to be the anniversary of their first mission as a team, and since Botan was the only one that kept track of those things, she insisted that they had another party this year for it. Hiei had pulled Yusuke away from the party below "to train," or so Yusuke thought. Any excuse to get away would have sufficed.

As Yusuke contemplated the people below, he found himself enveloped in a warm embrace from his lover, and their mouths tangled together soon after. Once their lips pulled apart, Hiei smiled at him, and held him close.

"You didn't want everyone to stare at us kissing?" Yusuke said, resting his chin into the ebony locks resting in his hands. "I don't think they would mind so much. They have rudely interrupted us while we were doing much worse, _several_ times."

Hiei chuckled, "Hn. If you consider making love where ever we please worse."

"Worse to them, not for us."

Hiei smiled again and rubbed Yusuke's back affectionately. Years ago, such an act would have had Yusuke checking Hiei for a plague. Now, it was commonplace. "You know that I love you, right?" Hiei asked, his voice carried off by the strong winds. He had to get to the point of the rendezvous.

Yusuke tensed up for a moment. He _did_ know that Hiei loved him, but in face of the fact that he had willingly told him everything that happened in his life—all of his pain, suffering, and hardship—Hiei hardly ever said the three meaningful words to Yusuke. The ratio was one for every ninety that Yusuke said. He didn't mind really, but something about this time provoked his mind; he knew that something was either really wrong, or something was really good.

However, he also knew that the Universe truly did despise him, and the storm was as foreboding as the three fateful words.

"Yes, I know, Hiei," Yusuke murmured, placing a gentle kiss in the demon's hair.

Hiei gently grasped his hand, placing an item into Yusuke's palm. He held it there, sandwiched between his own two hands so that it would be a surprise. The detective breathed a sigh of relief; perhaps it wasn't going to be as bad as he'd previously thought.

"This is yours now," Hiei announced, slowly letting his hands slip away. "It's a necklace from home. An eternally frozen snowflake. It will never melt."

Yusuke picked up the slender, silver chain of the pendant and inspected the small crystals of icy water. The snowflake appeared no larger than a fingernail.

Beautiful.

Hiei broke the silence. "It's unbreakable."

Yusuke didn't want to test that theory. Was this how demon's _proposed_ to each other? Hiei had never given him a gift before, at least not one so precious that he could recall.

"Is this where you've been all day? Trying to get your hands on something so nice for me? What's the occasion?" A low rumble of thunder echoed, the sound smashing Yusuke's hopes to bits and inviting the doubts to his mind once again.

"I've always had that, Yusuke…" Hiei inhaled deeply. "And I've been with Koenma all day."

"That's why you weren't here this morning," Yusuke remarked. After falling into the habit of sleeping in each other's arms every night (to cure Hiei's insomnia), Yusuke had almost always woken up first and made breakfast for both of them before Hiei disappeared for the day to train, or do whatever he did.

"I'm free, Yusuke."

Another clash of thunder, this one louder than its predecessor.

This was one of Yusuke's worst fears. As much as he knew that Hiei _deserved_ to be free—that he deserved to go home and breath the same air as other demons—Yusuke wanted Hiei to be locked at his side forever.

The demon was a free spirit confined to prison for several years. He had repaid his dues several times over, yet Spirit World hadn't ever let up on him. Until now.

Yusuke's composure left him. Jittery and trembling, Yusuke said, "So you're going to go back to…"

"Come with me."

Yusuke expected the invitation. He had played this exact moment in his head several times. The anxiety became worse as time passed on.

"You aren't really going to go, are you?" Yusuke asked. He pulled Hiei in, tight as chains.

"I have to. Koenma is not leaving me much choice. I have to choose today or else the special portal he's opened for me will close," Hiei said.

"I can't go, Hiei," Yusuke said, pushing himself away. Forget the chains.

"Why?" Hiei asked. Rain began to fall.

To him, Yusuke was supposed to ditch everything and not even have to think twice. Yusuke did not belong in this world, that was clear from the confidence in himself that he had gained from the Dark Tournament. He had never belonged anywhere until he became the Spirit Detective. They could have a life together in the Demon World—one which promised more than this human one.

He asked Yusuke because he wanted Yusuke to be happy. He wanted to give Yusuke that same sense of belonging that Yusuke had given _him_. And...well, Hiei belonged there too. Among his own kind. Living in Yusuke's city came with a certain sort of self-censorship that slowly killed him.

"I…I have a life here, Hiei! I can't just leave it all behind, especially Mom and Keiko!"

_Keiko…Keiko…_ He understood the human infatuation with mothers due to Kurama's own complex, but Keiko struck him like a finely sharpened kodachi blade. Was it really all that possible that Yusuke still loved Keiko?

"Keiko? I'm not as important as Keiko?" Hiei yelled back. "You still have feelings for her?"

"No…no Hiei! That's not it!" Yusuke struggled to interrupt the rant.

"Did something happen that I don't know about? Is that why you won't come with me?"

The memory of the kiss that they shared flooded Yusuke's memory much like the rain flooding the stony roof. This meaningless kiss had remained a secret from Hiei all these years. Presented with the question, Yusuke couldn't lie to him anymore, even if he tried. However, Hiei had other things to say, prolonging the admission of guilt.

"I need you to come with me, Yusuke," the demon said dejectedly, staring at the puddle forming remorselessly at his feet. "I've become too soft and weak after living in this world for so long."

"Oh, I see," Yusuke spat back. "You just want me to come with you so that you can train, but I guess that _I_ am the reason that you became weak or whatever in the first place."

"No!" Hiei shrieked, trying to overcome the sounds of the storm. "That isn't it! I need you…" _To protect_ _me_. To protect him, because he was too weak to live in that world alone, not only physically, but emotionally. Hiei would not be able to survive if Yusuke didn't join him.

He had opened up to him, trusted him. In all his years of living, he had never done something so daring or risky. It was a brand new experience, and he threw everything out on the table. He allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of someone who—at their first meeting—had defeated him and been the one to capture him.

"We kissed, Hiei," Yusuke admitted. "Keiko and I…a few weeks after we first got together." He figured that if he rambled, Hiei would not have a chance to interrupt or do anything stupid. He continued, "It was noth—"

"Forget it!" Hiei exclaimed, nearly wailing. "I thought that you would understand. After everything I told you. After I—" _Showed you who I truly am. _"Just forget it!" He turned heel to flee, but did so at a languid pace, clinging on to one last hope that perhaps Yusuke would ask him to stay, or try to stop him.

"Hiei! Wait!" Yusuke called out. He grabbed Hiei by the shoulder and spun him back around, splashing water on both of their shins. "Here." He held out his palm, revealing the gift that he had just received. "I don't deserve this."

Hiei closed the open hand, then looked at the brown and misted orbs above him and said, "No."

"No," he didn't deserve the gift, or "no," he did? Either way, Yusuke never had a chance to inquire further, because Hiei slipped away. Yusuke remained on the roof, alone.

Several moments of listening to the utter silence in his heart and the chaos in the sky finally drove him to return to his apartment. Yusuke slowly descended the first set of steps that led down toward his floor, rain dripping sinfully in the corridor from his clothing, hair, and skin—skin which already missed the gentle touch of his now past love. His eyes and ears and all other senses closed as he thought himself in circles, the guilt of his own selfishness eating away at his brain. The footsteps that approached him, that echoed off the cement and steel walls of the stairwell, went unnoticed.

"Yusuke! You're soaking wet!" The footsteps quickened into a rapid staccato and soon their source gripped Yusuke's wrist, bringing him back into reality.

"Kurama…" Yusuke uttered, not entirely sure if the emerald eyes that stared into him, searching for answers, truly belonged to his red-haired comrade.

"What happened, Yusuke?" Kurama asked, his voice carrying concern. He had loved Yusuke for years, and Yusuke knew it. He feared that one day, Hiei would crush Yusuke's heart. Finding Yusuke in this state hurt.

Yusuke did not respond. He could not form words, as if they had left him out of karmic balance for what he'd done to Hiei. Tears fell down the perfect skin of his youthful face, masked by the rain drops that escaped the wet locks of his hair.

"Yusuke…I'm sorry," Kurama said, embracing Yusuke with every ounce of emotion that his body held for him. He had told Hiei, before both the detective and demon had begun their relationship, that he would never forgive him if he broke Yusuke's heart.

"Koenma…" Yusuke stuttered from the sobs which escaped his somewhat closed throat. "He…the Demon World…"

Kurama's own heart broke; he had never seen the normally strong willed and carefree man so torn up. He had seen him upset, or down, but never something so furious and corrosive to the soul. He tenderly pushed away from the broken detective, wanting to see him in his entirety.

It was then that he noticed a small charm dangling from a silver chain, barely clutched by the Yusuke's trembling hands. Kurama lifted those hands and inspect the item, only to find the pain in his own heart swelling.

"An eternally frozen snowflake," Kurama whispered, clasping the item tightly back into Yusuke's hands. The item was far too important to be left dangling haphazardly. He didn't want to utter the significance of such an item out loud; he wasn't certain if Hiei had made it clear, though his own knowledge of the short demon turned the odds in favor that he hadn't. Kurama had no thought or inkling as to _how_ Hiei might have acquired something like that, unless he had it all his life, but he did know one thing: demons like Hiei did not find love as often as humans did.

So to have such an item for a proposal was rare. A priceless gift of engagement.

Hiei meant to bind Yusuke to him forever.

Kurama found himself holding Yusuke again, unsure of what to say to assure him. Unfortunately, the wrong thing fell from his lips. "Yusuke…I would never leave you, _not even in death_."

Yusuke could not respond. The soothing declaration only doused the despair momentarily. He continued to hold Kurama until his sadness subsided. He couldn't possibly act like this in front of everyone else. They wouldn't understand.

"Come now, Yusuke," Kurama said. Yusuke's feelings of emotional modesty weren't as important as his health. "We absolutely must get you back home before you become ill."


	2. I Will Never Leave You

**Disclaimer**: _Yu Yu Hakusho_ © Yoshihiro Togashi.

**Awake**

By Zelia Theb

Raindrops fell harder than stones and the thunder echoed the decree of the deities. Typhoon season had come in stronger than Yusuke could ever remember, although he sensed that the heaviness on his heart exaggerated its effect.

His thoughts wandered back to seven days earlier. Kurama had stayed with him the whole night, and on into the morning, consoling him, watching him, and holding him. The detective was a terrible mess of emotions; never had his very being been so torn up that he could not even fathom getting out of bed every day.

There was a time when he and Hiei were enemies, only to be brought together by a fateful and probational decree set by the Prince of Spirit World. Strong and guarded, Hiei never showed any emotion other than rage, and never gave in to his enemy.

The respect that Yusuke and Hiei shared as allies served as a deep root for their love and relationship. Yusuke taught Hiei what it was like to truly live. They created memories devoid of bias, judgement, violence, and angst. Memories that danced around him, living and breathing within every square foot and item in his apartment. Memories that reverberated against the membranes in his head, pulsating, threatening to escape if he ever stopped mourning.

He had a headache, and the knocking that commenced from his door did not aid the situation.

"Yusuke?" Kurama's voice called softly from the hallway. "It's me. May I come in?"

Yusuke rolled over on the couch, morose. "It's open."

The scent of puddles, flowers, and food infiltrated Yusuke's nostrils, and through the darkness and brief flashes of lightning, he saw that Kurama had brought dinner, protected by a plastic bag. Kurama dressed casually; a black sweater and blue denim jeans poked out from underneath his brown raincoat.

Kurama's sensed something far different than Yusuke had, most of it obvious. No lights illuminated the apartment, and the television screen remained a stale gray. Death seemed to linger in the air, mingling with sadness and depression over cocktails and crabcakes, and from what he could tell, Yusuke had been on the couch all day, possibly stationary from the night before.

After taking care of his shoes, umbrella, and raincoat, Kurama said, "I'm turning on the lights." He discovered take-out containers that he had brought two nights before still sitting on the coffee table, and a sea of crumpled tissues cascading from the couch to the floor.

Yusuke barely stood out among the mess. Greasy black hair fell over his forehead, wrinkled white cotton concealed his chest, and a blue blanket barely covered his waist. Pouting and somewhat ungrateful for the company. Calls queued into his answering machine, knocks went (mostly) unanswered, and flying grim reapers were told to "fly away" and "buzz off."

"Yusuke." Kurama took a seat in the miniscule space on the sofa near Yusuke's chest. "You can't continue to live like this. I can't imagine why you'd even let anyone see you this way."

"I don't," Yusuke argued.

"Aren't I here right now? In fact, I've been the only one you've let see you," Kurama said. "Kuwabara has called me every day wondering where you've been, saying that Keiko is disappointed you're ignoring everyone."

"What a bitch," Yusuke muttered. He didn't mean it. "How can she say something like that when she's part of the problem. It not like that jerk Aijirou ever left _her_."

"She's only worried," Kurama defended, still maintaining his soft and comforting tone.

Kurama was truly in love with Yusuke. He didn't want to jump into a relationship with him-no—not only was it too soon, but it was inappropriate. He wanted to love him in as many ways that were available. There were two people in the world that _kept_ him in that world: his mother and Yusuke. As long as Yusuke lived, breathed, cried, laughed, Kurama would protect his right to do such, whether he were Shuichi, Youko, or as a spirit. After all, Yusuke had thoughtlessly given Shuichi a chance to continue living with his mother Shiori during their fateful meeting many years ago.

"Well," Yusuke said, rolling over onto his back, "you get it. Hell, they didn't even like it when Hiei—" Uttering his name made the pain even less ethereal. "—When Hiei and I got together."

Kurama beamed genuinely, hoping to get the same reaction in return. He stroked Yusuke's face with the back of his palm, wiping away tear trails and chaotic strands of hair.

"It's alright, I just find it unusual for you. However, I suppose that we are all allowed to suffer, just as we are allowed to smile, and I would like very much for you to smile like you used to."

The corners of Yusuke's mouth turned upwards—a rather failed attempt to please his new caretaker.

Kurama returned the smile, and moved to the next topic. "So why don't I draw you a bath? While you're in there I can heat up dinner."

Yusuke stretched a bit, causing the blanket to fall, and answered, "I can do it myself, Ku..." A single finger pressed on his lips, stopping him mid-sentence.

"No, let me do this for you." The finger turned to a hand that delicately cupped his face. It let go as Kurama left the room to run the bathwater. Moments later, he returned. "It's ready."

Yusuke soon found himself surrounded by rose-scented steam and soap bubbles. He leaned his head back against the tile. The flowers, the heat, the dull light on the ceiling, all blended in with the sensational aroma of cooking food brought memories of park promenades with Keiko and Kuwabara back into his head. Perhaps Kurama was right: he had to be taken care of or else the pain would eat him alive. However, he decided that _only_ the fox was going to see him; he did not want to have to kick too many butts for teasing him when he was all better. The idea returning back to his former self made him chuckle. Things could only get better, right?

The dull light flickered briefly, and went out all together. He brought his head up and searched for any signs of light through the cracks in the door. Nope. The buildings power was absent. Thunder boomed, erasing visions of the park and reminding Yusuke that he was just a guy sitting in a bath, waiting for dinner to be done.

"Yusuke?" his guest called from beyond the door. "Are you finished? May I come in?"

"Yeah," Yusuke replied lazily. "But I can't see anything."

The door opened slowly, taking care not to hit any person that might have been standing behind it, and a candle walked in, carried by Kurama. The dim light painted the room a fiery orange hue, making Kurama's hair appear red, blonde, and black all at once. He set the burning light down on a small ledge used for holding soap, and announced, "Just bring this with you when you're ready. Dinner is set and waiting for us on the table."

Kurama then left the room, allowing Yusuke to get himself dry and dressed.

Yusuke did not expect too walk into a dinner so exquisite, especially at _his_ home. Each surface held a candle, with a quartet of ivory-colored candles sitting in the center of the dining table, illuminating a well-prepared, traditional meal. The scattered bits of trash and dishes had been cleared, and his blanket lay neatly folded along the back of his sofa. A minor glimpse into the radiance of Kurama's heart.

"I had preempted the need for candles. I hope you don't mind the setting," Kurama said. "I've just heard you speak of power outages during storms here before and..."

"It's fine, you really didn't have to do all of this, though," Yusuke said, taking a seat across from his friend.

"Itadakimasu," Kurama smiled, chopsticks in hand.

"Itadakimasu," Yusuke followed, smiling as well.


	3. Smile Like You Used To

**Disclaimer**: _Yu Yu Hakusho_ © Yoshihiro Togashi.

**Awake**

By Zelia Theb

_- - "I suppose that we are all allowed to suffer, just as we are allowed to smile, and I would like very much for you to smile like you used to." - -_

The trek to Yusuke's had become more than familiar to Kurama over the weeks. Once he passed the yellow candy shop, he would have to turn the next corner and avoid the small ankle-biting dog of the old man on the bench. Then he would officially be a two minute walk from Yusuke's home. Kurama enjoyed the promenade, though he had toyed with the idea of borrowing Shiori's car now and then.

Yusuke's spirits increased slowly but surely the more time they spent together. There were times when Kurama caught him evolving into a cosmic being whenever something reminded him of Hiei, but overall Yusuke had reverted to his usual brash and outgoing self. He had even made passing comments of starting to date again, and spoke in length with Kurama about a girl in the next building who had actually asked _him_ out in spite of her friends' protests. He actually said yes, but the date fell flat. Romance wasn't for them.

After only a second of knocking, Yusuke greeted Kurama and invited him inside. The place smelled of fresh paint and pizza. Un-styled hair and paint-splattered clothing clued Kurama into what Yusuke had been up to.

Yusuke smiled, gesturing to his handiwork. "Time for a change, you know? Oh, and I made pizza, I think."

Kurama expected Yusuke to be half-asleep at this time of day, not up and attacking his home with his bizarre decorating skills. He guessed that Yusuke must have been up very early, because only one section of the walls had yet to be painted, and it could easily be done in a fifteen minute bracket. Even the small hallway to the rest of the apartment had been completed.

"Would you like some help?" Kurama offered, though undressed for the task.

Yusuke nodded, picking up a partially eaten slice of pizza, and replied, "Sure. Eat up while I paint this last thing. If you wanna help pick up the tarps and peel the blue edging tape off the ceiling that'd be sweet."

Kurama agreed. Yusuke certainly kicked his laziness aside. It was a major step forward for him. Not only did he seem to mature, he seemed to be making an effort to finally get over Hiei. Plus, hunger preyed upon Kurama's stomach. He took a slice of the multi-topped pizza that really didn't look like pizza. Delicious! Kurama never thought Yusuke could be such a proficient chef.

"This is perfect, Yusuke," said Kurama. "I'll never cook again!"

Yusuke looked as if the world had been stolen from him, and with wide eyes stated, "That's just not gonna happen."

Kurama laughed and took another bite of the foreign staple food.

The two finished their pizza, enjoying each other's company as they had been in recent months, and went to work on finishing Yusuke's apartment. Yusuke informed Kurama that his mother's husband paid for these aesthetic renovations. He welcome Kurama to join he and Kuwabara tomorrow morning to install new carpet. Kurama agreed willingly, thankful for any chance to be close to Yusuke.

Once they had completed their task of cleaning up, Yusuke showered and suggested that they go out and rent a movie while the place aired out. They took their sweet time, hitting various snack shops and magazine racks on the way. It wasn't until an unsettling humidity came across the city four hours later that they figured they should return to the apartment and shut the windows so the rain would not soak the freshly dried paint.

They barely returned in time to close all of the windows. Lightning flashed across the sky, setting the perfect mood for the first film in their lineup: a horror film about an abandoned military base. Yusuke laughed when Kurama had picked it up, claiming that their line of work pretty much desensitized them to everything out there. He challenged himself to become scared at the thriller, so inevitably they had to rent it.

Candles danced around them, as Kurama had clairvoyantly lit them in preparation for a power outage. Candy bags lay on the coffee table, and empty wrappers lined opened cans of caffeinated carbonation. The movie neared its end, and Yusuke found himself laughing at the strangely out of place romance that budded on screen. He remarked, "I don't think I would start a fresh relationship in the middle of a haunted slaughterhouse, but hey that's just me."

"Indeed," Kurama agreed, but put up the argument, "however if they were in love with each other previously, they might think that their mortality might not allow them to confess the feelings later."

Yusuke shivered, cold from the drastic change in weather, and leaned into his friend's comfort, stating, "I guess you're right."

Wary at first, Kurama could not deny Yusuke the affection. He wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him in to share their warmth, just as the love scene on screen halted into a screaming one.

Feeling the folds of the blanket in his back, Kurama shifted slightly to retrieve it and drape it over them. Beneath the softness and security of the blanket, their bodies melded closer together to absorb the heat that rose between them. Fingers and thumbs caressed concealed limbs, yet their eyes stayed forward until the credits rolled.

"That was okay," Yusuke said quietly with a slight yawn. He slipped from their bodily embrace to reach for the remote, and changed the channel as he let the tape rewind. A rather boring news cast with an even less-exciting anchorman took over the television. No sooner had he left their curled position did he return, opening up a dialogue with the one he cuddled with to pass time between the films. However, he really had no intentions of getting up and switching the cassettes.

"Kurama?" Yusuke asked, only to see if Kurama paid attention.

Kurama turned to him, still stroking Yusuke's hand with his thumb, and smiled. This was more than he had ever expected from the broken detective, and the bliss from the 'what if' anxiety could not be contained within him. Yusuke alone occupied his mind, and he was more than grateful for their recent close relationship. To be in a situation like this made him ecstatic.

"Kurama," uttered a satisfied Yusuke. "I've been thinking. I've realized...You're all I've ever wanted."

Kurama drew closer to Yusuke, the only space between them being the inches between their lips.

Yusuke confessed further, as the television flickered off from lack of electricity. "You're amazing...your loyalty, the mysterious glimmer in your eyes, your touch. You've been here for me through everything. Hell, you took a sword through the stomach on more than one occasion. How could I have forgotten all of these things about you?" Yusuke's lips parted ever so slightly. He smiled, and asked, "But you know what I haven't forgotten?"

"Do tell, Yusuke," said Kurama in a hushed whisper, recalling the brief taste of Yusuke's lips he had before Yusuke's relationship with Hiei.

"I haven't forgotten what a wonderful kisser you are." With that, the distance between them became nothing, progressing into an intimate tango of delicate tongues and sweetened satin lips.

Yusuke longed for this, just as Kurama had. He missed the feeling of hands cradling his back, and fingers tracing trails through his hair and down his neckline. Romantic nostalgia.

"_Yusuke_..." Kurama purred, letting go only because Yusuke stood and led them toward his bedroom.

The blanket cascaded to the floor as they walked on. "It's alright," Yusuke said. "I want to." He made no effort to close the door behind them. "Just spend the night with me."

Knowing Yusuke had moved too fast with Hiei when they had started seeing each other, while also keeping in mind that he _loved_ Yusuke and didn't want to hurt him on a possible rebound, Kurama exercised his voice. "We shouldn't."

Yusuke gazed into him, head moving all about as if he were peering into more than just Kurama's eyes. "Just like this, then."

Relief swept over Kurama, and they returned to their passionate affections.

.o.o.o.

The next morning, Yusuke awoke in Kurama's embrace. Kurama opened his eyes moments later.

"Hey," Yusuke yawned.

"Good morning," said Kurama.

"Gonna wash up before Kuwabara and the delivery guy get here."

Kurama smiled. "I'll make us some coffee then."

Kurama stretched out on the bed as Yusuke left, and looked out the window. Sunlight glistened upon the remnants of last night's storm, and the breeze felt cool and refreshing upon Kurama's skin. It wasn't until he stretched again that he realized a window should not be open, as they had closed them all last night, and he panicked.

Hiei?

Kurama sat up quickly, running fingers through his somewhat tangled hair, trying to compose himself. Another breeze swept through the room.

Thankfully, that breeze came from Botan.

"Kurama! There you are!" she said as she hovered above him. "I expected to find you here, but didn't expect you to be in Yusuke's bed!"

Kurama stepped out of the bed. "No, it's not what it seems. Nothing major happened between us, but..."

"I understand," she said with slight disapproval, "but I have to tell you something urgent. It's about Hiei."

Kurama's sight shot straight up at her with striking accuracy and demanded, "What is it?"

"Koenma's been monitoring his activities to make sure that he would be alright back in the Demon World...and found out something troubling." The girl paused, unable to decide just how to break the news, but continued with, "He's not doing so well. While he's a powerful demon, his judgement has been off, and it's become a weakness. He's come out of altercations as a victor, but severely wounded at times, and is currently dealing with a curable but life-threatening illness."

"Botan...really...this is too much," Kurama protested, thinking not only of Yusuke but of Hiei, since they were all very close to each other as friends. He did not expect Hiei to fare so poorly back home. Guilt mimicked the lightning of the recent storm, and shocked Kurama to the bone, electrocuting every cell of his body. The promise of the forever-frozen snowpetal had to be fulfilled. He would lose Yusuke.

"There's more." She gulped. "Somehow he angered some powerful demon gangs that are in the process of causing an uprising in a certain kingdom. There are assassins after him, and they are taking advantage of Hiei's weakness. He's going to die, and Koenma can't find a way to get you boys in there to rescue him. Enma won't allow for special transportation to the world either, as Hiei nor the assassins pose any threat to anyone. He's tried contacting Hiei, to inform him of a nearby portal that opens up once every century...unfortunately it isn't big enough for all of you, and if you all went, you'd be stuck...and..."

"Botan, you're rambling," Kurama said. "Did Hiei return the contact?"

"No...we aren't sure if he received the message..."

"Received what message?" Yusuke questioned, fresh and rejuvenated from his shower.


	4. Whose Love Is Eternal?

**Disclaimer:** _Yu Yu Hakusho_ © Yoshihiro Togashi.

Awake

By Zelia Theb

_- - "...You're all I've ever wanted. You're amazing...your loyalty, the mysterious glimmer in your eyes, your touch... You've been here for me through everything... How could I have forgotten all of these things about you?" - -  
_

"So what," said a heartless Yusuke, "I'm sure he can take care of himself." Botan's shout of anger brought him back to that memory, that evening where the sky cried in roaring pain, just as he had done.

_"I need you to come with me, Yusuke. I've become too soft and weak after living in this world for so long."_

Having not heard a word the apparition said, he remarked, "Whatever. I've got people coming over and don't feel like dealing with this right now."

Kurama's heart weakened; why was Yusuke closing himself down? Did he feel guilty over their hardly-intimate night already? No, he simply wanted to avoid the pain that he had gotten over already.

Kurama sighed, shaking his head regretfully as Botan watched him. Yusuke had since left the room, and started the coffee on his own. Kuwabara knocked on the apartment door minutes later, and soon the whole gang knew of Hiei's situation.

.o.o.o.

Botan left the apartment in a hurry. She had places to be, places that no one could know about, and having the gang occupied with carpeting and Hiei's situation made them less likely to follow her.

So she flew, careening along the winds, high above the city until she was out of its limits. She skimmed the tree-tops, careful not to catch the highest branches with her shoes, taking in the scent of pines as she sped toward the town set amongst nature.

She passed house upon house upon until she reached the clearing in the center of town: the park. It's there that she descended upon the land, losing her oar to blend in with any of bored youths that may be wandering the streets. Fortunately for her, none were to be found.

A meeting of the utmost importance. But how to deliver the news? She approached one of the few deciduous trees in park.

"It's done."

And then, Hiei's voice. He jumped beside her in the shadows. "Hn. You didn't ramble, did you?

"Uhhh..." Botan knew she had. "It came off as concern."

"Good."

She heard the 'thank you' hidden in the grunt. "Your Jagan's lost its power, hasn't it?"

He stepped out. Sure enough, the ward wrapped around his head now covered a bandage. "Just another gift with no purpose. No one cares. Why should I?"

Botan bit her lower lip. Why had Hiei asked her to lie to Yusuke? To everyone? "You could just go back."

"Pfft. A weakness. There's no point to show it. There remains only one place where I haven't been defeated."

Terror struck her heart. "Hiei!"

"Tch. As if. I'd rather stay here than let Koenma have the pleasure of finding another way to crush me." He looked to his side. This return to the old felt better. More comfortable than love. "His reaction?"

"Ahh...ummm, he didn't really..." Botan struggled for the words.

"So Yusuke has also returned to his former self. How fitting that he doesn't care."

"But what happened? Was all of it a lie?"

"It's far less dramatic. I fought and lost. The Jagan is wounded. It might have been enough to know that Yusuke would seek vengeance, even though I don't need it."

Botan knew she was a bad liar, especially when it came to Hiei. She tried to cover up what she knew. "I think he would, Hiei. Your lie made it seem hopeless."

"And Yusuke is known for being thick-skulled and reckless enough to not care."

"And you! You left him!" Botan balled her fists. "How selfish of you! Don't you get it?"

Hiei growled. "How selfish of him! How dare he deny all that makes me who I am!"

"I..." That stopped her. Hiei had a point. Yusuke did not bother to compromise. "He...Hiei, he's trying to move on."

Hiei's glare came quick and sharp. "Kurama," he said.

And before Botan could answer again, Hiei shouted, _"Kurama!"_ A fit of rage and jealousy. Hiei sped away from the park, the lights of the town turning red as the blood that pumped fast through his body.

.o.o.o.

Dawn. Kurama woke up on the sofa, Yusuke barely asleep on his shoulder. Something had him on edge.

"Yusuke," Kurama said. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah, kinda," Yusuke answered. "Do you feel that?"

Yusuke referred not to the warmth and feelings between them. Kurama knew that. "Something unnerving, Yusuke. Getting closer. I—"

Yusuke shot up, the blanket on his body falling to the floor. "Hiei!"

A gust of wind swept their hair about. The window had opened. Misdirection. Hiei stood behind their gaze. "You're like poison, fox."

Kurama cautiously stood, knowing that casual behavior might give Hiei's temper the edge it needed to strike. "Hiei," he said, "your energy...it's different."

Hiei said nothing as stared hard into Kurama's soul.

Yusuke, on the other hand, fought the mix of anger and joy in his heart. "Hiei, your head."

"It's fine," Hiei said.

Yusuke approached him carefully. "Botan said you were hurt. The Jagan—Hiei, what happened?"

"More importantly," Kurama added, "why aren't you dead?"

Yusuke gave the redhead a dangerous look.

"It's a fair question, Yusuke," Kurama said. "It's my understanding that should the Jagan be severly injured, Hiei's life would be at risk. It's no ordinary procedure." He looked back at Hiei. "You should be dead, Hiei."

"I'm healing. Not for you concern."

Yusuke, without thinking, put his hand into Hiei's hair. So greasy, as if Hiei'd been travelling without a break since he left. "If you're dying...Hiei. You have to tell us. We can help you!"

Hiei snarled. "I'm not dying!"

Now Kurama dropped his caution. Those few moments to gain his bearings helped. He could subdue Hiei if he needed. "You had Botan lie to us." He crossed his arms. "Why, Hiei?"

"I owe you no explanation, Kurama."

"What about me?" asked Yusuke. The hand in Hiei's hair moved to his shoulder. He felt Hiei tense, then relax under the touch. "Why lie to me? Why?"

"Hn. You had to come with me somehow, Yusuke."

"So you lied to me?" The anger in his heart toppled that joy. "After everything you've done, you think a _lie_ is going to make things better?"

Hiei's hands balled into fists. Yusuke would understand, one way or another, the urges of a demon. "You denied me everything that I am, Yusuke. You should be happy that it wasn't worse."

Kurama breathed deep, calculating several scenarios and their outcomes in his head. "Don't you threaten him, Hiei."

"I can handle myself, Kurama," Yusuke shot back.

Kurama stayed still, keeping his own temper in check. The things Yusuke said, he should have known they meant nothing. How silly of him to believe that he might have someone to love.

Hiei kept his eyes on Kurama as he spoke. "You have a choice, Yusuke. Make it. I'm sick of waiting on your slow human tendencies."

The tense pressure in the room felt thick, palpable. Sunlight broke the horizon, filtering through the room almost too perfectly upon Yusuke, as if the heavens themselves were putting him on the spot.

He made his choice: recklessness.

"No, you two make a choice! How about that? Because if we're all gonna brawl, I need to know now. Either make up and be friends and have things go back to how they were, here in the human world, or just mess everything up!" He cracked his knuckles, punching his own hand to intimidate them.

"Yusuke," Kurama said, trying to be a voice of reason, "please, this isn't necessary."

"How forgiving of you, fox," Hiei taunted him. "How despicably _human_."

Kurama let the insult sit. He knew better than to let Hiei and Yusuke start a battle. The building might very well collapse. Someone had to be the mature one. He wondered where Kuwabara was...at least he'd be able to back him up on this front. Not that he needed it.

"I'm waiting," said Yusuke, foot tapping impatiently.

"You're acting like a child!" Hiei yelled.

"So what!" Yusuke screamed. "You really think I want to live in the demon world? _Really?_ I've got news for you, Hiei, I belong here. No matter what happens, no matter how many times I get the urge to punch someone, I belong here. There's no telling when we'll be needed to save the damn city again!"

"So you enjoy playing hero."

"I _have_ to play hero! Who else is going to do it!"

"Pfft," Hiei said. "Let Kuwabara handle it."

Yusuke poked Hiei in the chest. If that didn't provoke him, Yusuke would downright throw him to the ground. "You want me to respect _your_ heritage? Maybe you should respect mine!"

Hiei hissed. The provocation worked. "You selfish ass."

"Yeah? Well you can take your eternal snowflake and shove it!"

Rage. Hiei threw Yusuke into the couch, gentle for what he could have done. The couch toppled backwards, rolling Yusuke to the floor behind it. A lamp fell to the floor, shattering on impact.

"Yusuke! Hiei!" Kurama pleaded. The two didn't stop their predatory stalking of each other. "This is not the answer!"

"Either fight or get out, Kurama!" Hiei roared.

Suddenly, a high-pitched whistle bounced off the walls of the room. "Boys! Cut it out!"

Botan, short of breath, hovered just outside the open window. She'd struggled to keep up with Hiei all night. Slowly, she stumbled in.

"Not a great time, Botan," said Yusuke.

"Your energies are spiking through the roof!" she scolded. "Do you know what that means? You'll be attracting all sorts of apparitions!"

"Hn," Hiei grunted. "So? Let them come."

Botan, knowing well that Hiei might cut her arm off, grabbed Hiei's wrist tightly. She didn't miss; Hiei hadn't expected her to actually do it. "You are in _no_ condition to fight, Hiei." Contrary to her own concerns, she didn't bother being gentle. She tugged him to Yusuke. "And you, mister! You can't just ignore everyone else's feelings and expect them to understand yours! How do you think you lost Keiko? You want to lose these guys too?"

"Bite me, Botan."

With her free hand, she slapped him. _Hard._ "Don't you remember when you died? Watching your mother grieving? What happened to all of that empathy?"

Kurama uncrossed his arms, still maintaining his observations of the other's movements, no matter how slight. He knew Yusuke to be capable of empathy—it was how they'd shared that kiss—but Botan had a point. And Kurama's heart broke, for he knew that he'd have to step aside again. He cherished Yusuke, and valued Hiei as a friend, no matter how many times they fought.

Yusuke didn't answer, but he dropped his shoulders. Hiei too, dropped his.

"Botan, Kurama, go." Yusuke waited a moment, then said, "Now."

Reluctantly, she let go of Hiei's wrist, and followed Kurama out of the apartment. Sticking with him was a priority, just in case any trouble did happen to show. However, as soon as they closed the door behind them, she felt a drop in their energies. Kurama nodded at her, and they made their way to the stairs, safe enough of a distance to give Hiei and Yusuke their privacy.

"I'm sorry, Hiei," Yusuke said first. His recklessness yet to fade completely, the words still felt awkward on his lips. He hoped the feeling would dismiss completely. If there were any time to not be a jack-ass, it would be now.

"I can't stay here forever, Yusuke."

"I know that. Maybe we can...I dunno, get a summer house or something."

Hiei wasn't expecting that. In fact, the idea was so absurd that it brought a smile to his lips. He remembered why he'd fallen for the detective in the first place. Yusuke broke his shell in a way that no other could. "You actually want to split your time. How uncharacteristic."

"Hey," said Yusuke, drawing closer again, this time not to throw a punch. "We can drop it now."

"Winter, then," Hiei said. "I hate your winters."

A smile, then a laugh, then a giant bear-hug of an embrace that lifted Hiei right off of his feet. "I've missed your misery," Yusuke chuckled.

"Mmph!" said Hiei, muffled by Yusuke's shoulder. "Put me down."

"Not a chance!" Yusuke danced with the Hiei to the point of annoyance—his plan all along—then fell on top of a stray cushion knocked to the floor earlier. "We'll check it out once you get healed. I promise." He kissed him on the cheek. "You will heal, right?"

"Yes," said Hiei. "Stop worrying."

"Yeah, yeah, nuisance and all that." Yusuke sat them up, then said, "I'm really sorry, Hiei. I mean it. Just try to be nice to Kurama."

"You're pushing your luck."

"Whatever." Yusuke swept his hair back. "Do we need to wait for a special portal?"

"Koenma won't refuse us," Hiei said.

Yusuke's brow perked. "I guess you're right. Babyface owes us."

A knock. "Can we come in?" Botan said through the door. "Your energies have been dropped for a while."

"And I can't detect any danger coming," Kurama said.

"Yeah," Yusuke shouted. "Come on in."

They entered. Kurama met Yusuke's eyes, knowing what had transpired. All of those words, all of that romance, wiped clean.

Botan noticed the gaze. She moved to the window, avoiding the broken glass, and waved to Hiei. "Come on. Koenma said I could bring you over for treatment."

"And leave Kurama alone with Yusuke? Not a chance."

"Hiei," Yusuke said. "Please? I'm not trying to hide anything from you."

"So don't."

"Oh Hiei," said Botan. "Don't be a spoilsport. He's doing this for you!"

Hiei murmured a curse and took Botan's invitation, leaving Kurama and Yusuke alone in the semi-trashed room. Silence took over for several moments.

"I didn't think he was coming back," Yusuke finally said.

"I'm not a replacement, Yusuke," Kurama said. "Those things you said, are they untrue? Has all of this been a move to fix you and you alone?"

Yusuke's face contorted. How could he explain something so complex? "No, it's just that...I mean. Hiei plays it all cool, but he's the weakest of all of us."

"So your love for him is merely pity?" Kurama blinked for effect. "I doubt Hiei would appreciate that."

"It's not pity. It's just that I know what you and I could have could be as deep as what we have. But for Hiei, there's nothing else. No one else. You'll survive, Kurama. You can do it."

"I have yet to see how that isn't pity."

"Fine, it's like a balance, you know? You guys would be equal, but I can't have both of you. I mean, how rude would that be? You and Hiei just aren't compatible, and how the hell do you even work with one of those relationships anyway? I just don't know how it'd work. Truth is, right now I love him more. We've got all these memories and crap made together. I'd be starting all over with you."

Kurama sighed. "You certainly haven't stopped being blunt, have you?"

"No, I guess not."

Kurama put a hand on Yusuke's shoulder and squeezed. How he wished that gesture could be more, be one last kiss or something greater, before they parted for good. "I will always be here for you, Yusuke. Whenever you need me. Whatever you need me for."

"Don't say that, Kurama."

"Tough," Kurama said, fire in his eyes. "Your happiness is paramount. I will step aside, allow your love with Hiei to flourish, but I will not stop caring for you. You have my word, Yusuke. Even if I should find another to give my heart to, I will not stop."

Yusuke bit his lip. As if this wasn't difficult for him. Botan's words about empathy echoed in his mind. He made a note to work on his selfishness. "Yeah, well...okay. Maybe we should get to Spirit World now? Make sure everything's fine?"

"You mean, get there fast so that Hiei doesn't suspect something and react poorly?"

"That's a delicate way of putting it. I would've said 'murderous rampage' myself."

Kurama laughed. "That may have been more appropriate." He held out a hand—a friendly, non-romantic hand—and asked, "Shall we, then?"

Yusuke took it. "Yeah, we shall."

THE END


End file.
